What If "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no," Is Actually Keeping You Small?
This weekend I ran to a local boutique in my mom's town to pick up a Christmas gift. After I grabbed what I needed I wandered a bit more, and there it was. A hat. THE hat. I tried it on. Immediate love. A hat has never made me feel more alive… ever. Upon trying it on I texted my husband very specific directions as to how to make this hat mine for Christmas. (practicing discipline here, people!) He called me and said “Get the hat. It can be a Christmas present if you want it to be… but just get the hat. You love it. You want it. Buy it.” This hat was a full-body, absolute rock-my-world hellzzz yes!
It was 100% in alignment with the concept: if it's not a hell yes, it's a no.
I love that concept, it's right and fitting in so many ways…. and yet it's also way too simplified.
Some of the best yes's in my life have actually looked a little bit more like this:
“Omg no way. I can't. No. Absolutely not. Damn it. Fine. Yes.”
That, my friends, it called resistance. Sometimes we are handed an idea or opportunity that actually scares us and initially feels like a no. We are resistant to it. Why? Because it will knock us out of our cozy comfort zone. But your comfort zone is actually your slow death. It's where complacency lives. It's where fine becomes good enough. Eventually, staying within your comfort zone becomes a whole lot scarier than stretching outside of it.
Here are some examples some NOT hell yes's in my life:
Creating Founder Magazine. It wasn't a hell yes for me immediately. It was a no. It was more like a wtf? where did this idea come from? kind of no. Then… surrender. Yes. I had to say yes.
Becoming a published author by writing a chapter in an anthology book. I was asked to design a book cover for a writing coach's project. That was an absolute YES. Then she asked me if I wanted to write a chapter. Immediate NO. Absolutely not. Then, it shifted into another “okay fine… yes.” I knew I had a story in me to share, and yet I was so afraid of what it would require of me to write it. Turns out, writing that opened up a whole world inside of me.
These two creative endeavors were not something I was seeking, nor were they easy. But, they were right. Was the timing perfect? Nope. Typically never is. Was I ready? No…but I didn't need to be. They were the right next opportunity presented on my path, even though initially upon hearing them I felt a deep resistance.
I share this with you to just remind you — sometimes our best YES's actually don't feel like a hell yes. Sometimes our best yes's feel more like “omg no, I can't. Damn it. Fine. Yes. I'll do it.”
My tip: Honor those instant absolute yes's AND also be on to yourself… be curious about the no's that want to be a yes. You know exactly the no's I'm talking about. ;)
Side note: The book Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes is a great read that supports this.
This week, I challenge you… say yes more than no. Say yes to the things that freak you out a little bit. And then, in a week, 6 months, a year… whenever… tell me what you said yes to and how it changed you in the best way possible.
